Where Is The Rest of Me?

TheRestofMeI’m slowly losing a part of my identity. I’m not talking about the id, ego, or superego…I’m referring to my apostrophe. Computer programs rarely recognize that my proud Irish surname has the Gaelic equivalent of an umlaut.

When I enter my last name on the computer screen, I invariably get an error message telling me the “numbers, symbols and spaces are not recognized”.  Wait just a minute, this is no mere symbol. My apostrophe signifies that all my proud ancestors and I are “of the House of Connor”.

On the other hand, an occasional site will recognize the apostrophe and that, too, presents problems. Merchants can never find me in their system. I recently visited a local chain for a haircut and the stylist – who had more hair than brains – couldn’t find my all-important hair cut file. I think her name was Tiffany of Brandi or something. After several minutes of pouty sighs, she exclaimed “Here you are. I forgot to put your ‘thingy’ in “!

That “thingy” is important to us O’Briens, O’Neils and O’Tooles. We are being discriminated against and our heritage is not being accorded the respect it deserves. Therefore, I am starting a not for profit called the Institute for the Restoration of the Apostrophe (IRA) to promote the importance of our beloved superscript. We may become militant.

And why is that the Mac in MacDonald passes muster? Shouldn’t that clan be forced to enter their name as Donald – as in “Old Donald had a farm, EIEIO”?

Three may be a bright spot in all this confusion. I have thought of legally changing my name to something with a numeral in it. With a number in there, no computer system in the world would accept me. I would be anonymous. The U.S. government, my college alumni association and Reader’s Digest would never be able to track me down.

From now on I will be known as Bobby 3chins. Try and find me.

Smiles For All