The Unofficial Civilian Code Book

code book

I was thinking the other day (it took a week and three bottles of Clorox to get the stains out the LAST time that happened) — Anyway, I was thinking about those cool-sounding numerical “codes” that police and fire departments use to describe different situations and thought: “You know, we ‘civilians’ could use something like that to report situations that aren’t necessarily ‘illegal’, per se, but ones we think other people should be made aware of.”

So, here are some of my suggestions for an “Unofficial Civilian Code Book”:

Code 13-21: Children covertly adding items to a shopping cart making the total number of items exceed 10 while parent is in the “10 items or less” line.

Code 13-23: Kids asking “why?” more than three times after you explain something to them.

Code 13-25: Use of concealed ear-piece with cell phone which makes other people in the area think you’re talking to them.

Code 13-27: Excessive pedestrian “walk” signal (or elevator “up/down”) button pressing.

Code 13-29: Inability to get cash from the ATM at your bank because you can’t remember your PIN number — only to realize later that it was your own birthdate.

Code 13-36: Chef salads you order (to keep from eating more fattening things on the menu) which have more meat, cheese and eggs in them than a 5-course meal.

Code 13-41: White cats that insist upon rubbing against your legs ONLY when you’re wearing black, wool slacks. (Ditto for black cats and white wool slacks.)

Code 13-45: Not being able to find your reading glasses (because, as everyone knows, you NEED glasses to be able to FIND glasses).

Code 13-49: Deciding to make all your Christmas presents this year and then realizing that it will take you until about Easter to complete them all at a total cost of approximately $3,498.62.

Code 13-54: A vehicle speeding up to 80 mph after it was operating well below the speed limit until someone tried to pass.

Code 13-57: Shopping carts with one “go-funny” wheel which cause you to have to push them down supermarket aisles sideways.

Code 13-63: Broken home-baked cookies which force you to eat them in order to maintain overall “batch quality”.

I’m sure you can come up with some more codes you’d like to see listed in the “Unofficial Civilian Code Book” — C’mon, now, don’t be shy…


(photo courtesy of Chih-cheng Chang/