“Your head hurts? Just turn it off and turn it back on” –Doctors in 3014
— Leah Prinzivalli (@leahprinz) February 11, 2014
“say…ain’t you that fella what’s on the tv?” – a rube, to a discarded vcr — Joe Rumrill (@2tonbug) February 21, 2014
"What are you, my MOTHER?!?" – sick burn plus also a cool way to search for your birth parent
— Eliza Bayne (@ElizaBayne) February 24, 2014
dress for the pokemon you want, not the pokemon you have — steve desiena (@sdesiena) February 18, 2014
doctor just told me I have, “cutie sweetie disease.” Oh wait, I typed that wrong he said, “a raging sinus infection.” — Aidy Bryant (@aidybryant) February 14, 2014
I’m kind of cheesy and not seeing anyone, so I guess you could call me a Kraft Single! #Zing #NeedsHug #BreakingBad
— Jorb Schorbowski (@JorbShorb) September 9, 2013
I put too much celery in my tuna salad. Why do I have to make the worst possible decisions all the time constantly
— Anthony (@nedroid) August 18, 2011
