To Do: Call The Responsibles


One of my hobbies is making To Do lists. I make To Do lists on post-its, in the Notes app on my phone, and in Word documents. I email chores to myself and, when a task is really important, I’ll write it on my hand. I’ll rediscover these in a fit of writer’s block weeks later, during which I search every scrap of paper and read old emails for a hilarious idea I forgot about. All I find is unchecked boxes with month-old reminders to pick up my laundry and “call Mom.”

I’m chronically disorganized – but with my lists, I get to pretend to be organized. It’s in the same vein as cleaning your room by piling your clothes in the corner. I love the idea of organization; I just can’t always follow through on the execution. To help me out (and to procrastinate going grocery shopping) I invented The Responsibles: an everyday superhero team. Whenever I’m staring at a page full of boring chores, I channel a member of The Responsibles.

Here are the superheroes that get me through the day:

The Polisher

Bio: The Polisher has never lost a fight against an approaching enemy or a muddy hardwood floor. He has all the appropriate cleaning supplies, knows how to use them, and would never order a cheap and sketchy maid service online. No other member of the Responsibles is allowed inside the Polisher’s supply closet.

Super strength: Fart Immunity

Nemesis: More Vino


Girly Girl

Bio: Girly Girl is the team’s costume supervisor. She never feels like wearing yesterday’s outfit again to save the effort of picking out new clothes. She knows how to do smoky eye makeup and more importantly isn’t afraid to tell her own mother that smoky eye has been out of style since 2009. Girly Girl discovered her superpowers when she noticed her ease at walking in six-inch heels compared to other women her age.

Signature Move: Awkward Date Extraction

Nemesis: The Fire Sale


Thesaurus Rex

Bio: T-Rex is the world’s foremost crime fighting dinosaur and diction expert.

A well-kept secret of every freelance superhero team, T-Rex is the team’s Public Relations Coordinator. Thanks to T-Rex’s press releases and user-friendly website, the Responsibles are in constant demand. Enemies of the Responsibles fear the wrath that T-Rex can conjure with a single perfectly worded Tweet to the team’s thousands of Twitter followers. T-Rex never feels like waiting until tomorrow to invoice his clients.

Super strength: Wisdom of (Billions of Years of) Age

Nemesis: Dr. Deadline