The Perfect Solution

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Last night, I was watching the Chicago Bulls game, and one of the many commercials actually struck such a chord so I immediately ran for a pen before the telephone number had faded away. Actually, my fears wound up groundless because the number was repeated so many times, I said out loud, “ENOUGH ALREADY!”

They were selling a battery-operated hair trimmer that did everything but trim your front lawn. Suddenly, I felt I had to have it because my eyebrows can get very unruly when I prolong my barber shop visit. The forest in my ears also needs constant plucking, and don’t even mention my nose. This was the perfect solution.

An automated voice answered the phone. For $15 and shipping, my troubles would soon be over. First, however, I had to spell my name, address and zip code. I had to repeat my address over and over because when it was repeated back to me, it sounded like a Greek island. I repeated it so many times that I even began to second-guess myself.

Covering the receiver, I woke up Gloria, my wife, with my urgent question, “Glor, quick! What’s our address?”

That sure got her upright in a hurry.

“Oh, no,” she exclaimed, her face a picture of shock and concern, “You’ve lost your mind!”

I quickly assured her it was only temporary insanity, as I listened for my next prompt. In the end, however, I was confronted with too many options and choices and prompts for one thing or another. I hung up without completing my order and went back to the Bulls game as I felt a new hair in my ear.

(photo courtesy of Robertkoczera/Dreamstime.com)

About Jerry Goldberg

Jerry Goldberg grew up on the west side of Chicago. After high school, he was drafted in the Army during the Korean conflict. Upon his honorable discharge, he joined Local 130 in Chicago as a plumber, working from 1952 to 2000. Jerry has been happily married for 60 years, residing with his wife, Gloria, in Huntley, Illinois. They were blessed with two wonderful children, and have three grandchildren and three great-grandchildren.
When his son encouraged him to get online, Jerry replied, "What do I need that for?" But all that changed a year into his retirement, when his daughter gave him a modem for his birthday, opening a whole new chapter. Finding stained glass insufficiently fulfilling, Jerry discovered the AARP message boards and began his one-finger magic. Eventually, he became quite proficient (two fingers), starting a board called, "Jerry's Corner."

This board was the second most popular board on AOL. Jerry bantered with any and all, and began writing humorous true stories of his past life. The stories you see here are a compilation of most he has written ... enjoy!

About Jerry Goldberg

Jerry Goldberg grew up on the west side of Chicago. After high school, he was drafted in the Army during the Korean conflict. Upon his honorable discharge, he joined Local 130 in Chicago as a plumber, working from 1952 to 2000. Jerry has been happily married for 60 years, residing with his wife, Gloria, in Huntley, Illinois. They were blessed with two wonderful children, and have three grandchildren and three great-grandchildren.
When his son encouraged him to get online, Jerry replied, "What do I need that for?" But all that changed a year into his retirement, when his daughter gave him a modem for his birthday, opening a whole new chapter. Finding stained glass insufficiently fulfilling, Jerry discovered the AARP message boards and began his one-finger magic. Eventually, he became quite proficient (two fingers), starting a board called, "Jerry's Corner."

This board was the second most popular board on AOL. Jerry bantered with any and all, and began writing humorous true stories of his past life. The stories you see here are a compilation of most he has written ... enjoy!

Smiles For All