Sock War


Every guy dreams of building a man-cave in his basement, compete with a bar, game room, and big-screen TV. During remodeling, visions of football parties and poker games fill your head in anticipation. But when you have two boys, the man-cave soon turns into a fun-house for kids. Its primary usage is to have sleepovers, build blanket-forts, and have Nerf gun fights. I have found Hotwheel cars in the couch, popcorn in the foosball table, and Pokemon cards in my Texas holdem set. After a while, nothing really surprised me….until the sock.

One of my boys had a sleepover and did his best to clean up the mess. I had to finish up with the usual: locate the remote, put away five or six DVDs, reposition the couch cushions, and refold the balled up pile of blankets. As I was heading to the stairs, I noticed what appeared to be a black sock rolled up and stuffed in the small gap between the crown molding at the top of the wall and the drop ceiling. Naturally, I thought they had another “epic sock war” and one of the kids must have stood on a chair to hide his extra ammunition.

I walked over and calmly reached for the sock. My fingers were about a half inch away when the “sock” suddenly opened its eyes and mouth and screeched at me! It was a BAT!

With my hair still standing, I shot upstairs and grabbed a big jar and a plate; my wife asking what all the commotion was about. I ran back down and stuck the jar over the bat before it could find its bearings and fly away. But as I pushed the jar up around it, the ceiling panel started to rise and the bat saw this as its escape. I had to use the plate to block it off and battle it back into the jar, hoping it wouldn’t fall down onto my arm or worse, my face. If it manages to get up behind the drop ceiling, it’s gone. A few more mumbles of encouragement for the bat to cooperate and it finally fell in. I quickly covered it with the plate. After showing my wife the source of my frantic outburst, and witnessing one of her own, I set it free outside.

New rules in my house: Keep outside doors closed and from now on, all epic sock battles will be fought with WHITE socks only.

(image of sock courtesy of Suat Eman/