They Mystery Of The Missing Keys


The keys are gone! Not the keys to my house (I use the garage, haven’t used my keys since I gave birth!), not the keys to my mom’s house (the door to that farmhouse stayed unlocked for 50 years until a break-in finally occurred and they switched to keypad locks, nobody has seen a physical key to that house since the early 1960s), not the keys to the truck (they were missing for a few months but were located by a lady who found them amongst the workings when she came to tune the piano, I still owe her a bottle of wine!), but the keys to a very fancy house that my mother is looking after while the owners take a tour of England. She was to have responsibility for this place for a month but unfortunately the owners have fallen ill and are coming home early, today in fact.

I got a call from my mom on Friday, she told me about the early return and asked for my help. One of her jobs was to do a load of laundry that didn’t get done before the British trip and she couldn’t remember how to work the fancy-shamcey washer and dryer. I went over to help her (we were allowed access to the wine cellar so it really was a no-brainer for me to go) and I got the laundry started while she tried to convince me to help get a bird’s nest out of the peak over the front door. Normally I enjoy seeing birds from a distance only and would never have considered it but I could tell that if I didn’t attempt the extraction she was going to do it herself. The house has twenty foot ceilings throughout so the peak was not easily accessible and I couldn’t let her up on a ladder (she has two titanium knees and one hip, plus a steel toe. I’m willing to bet that she would have needed that last hip done if she went up a ladder and started swinging at birds!).

Of course, just as I located the ladder and an appropriate tool for bird’s nest removal my mother got a call from my sister. I’m sure that they were both laughing their heads off at my commentary as I climbed that ridiculously high ladder and then tried to get that darn nest down without having it fall on my head. I did miss my head but it caught my arm and then rolled all the way down my leg, thank heaven that house had a bathtub the size of a swimming pool for me to clean myself up! (In a bathroom as big as my house, beside the actual swimming pool outside) After that, I raided that wine cellar with gusto!

So instead of four weekends living like a queen my mom only had this last one and she spent the whole weekend in that palace. She got up yesterday morning and went to work, then came to my house to watch the kids for me and was planning to go back for one last night of luxury before she cleared out in the morning. As she was leaving my place she went to grab the keys (why mess around in the driveway searching for keys when the wine, satellite TV, and Olympic sized bathtub are inside?) but the keys were not in their usual spot in her purse. This woman carries more stuff in her purse than I’m sure some third world families have I their entire house! We dumped the whole purse out on my kitchen table (work ID, swipe-in card, drug bag with Tylenol, Advil, etc., cell phone, car keys, receipts from some crap she bought a year ago, book, iPad, candy, gum, Chapstick, used tissue, clean tissue, trust me… the list goes on!) No luck though, didn’t find the keys.

She goes out to her car to look, no luck. I go out to look in her car since she admits that she can’t look everywhere (picture Bionic GranNan trying to search under the seats in her Monte Carlo, why she drives a muscle car is a question I’ll never be able to answer satisfactorily!). I’m practically on my head trying to search that car in the dark with my phone as a flashlight but I put in a pretty good effort, still no luck. Just for good measure I get down and look under the car on the driveway and in the garden too.

By now it’s wa-a-a-a-ay past my bedtime and since I have two sleeping children I can’t continue the search with her so off she goes into the night to check and see if she left the keys hanging in the door at the big house. A while later I get a phone call, no keys anywhere but the house looks to be intact and still locked so she’s going back to work to check there. That was the last I heard until this morning’s text message.

“Are you up?” Yes. “Ask the boys if they absconded with my keys!”

I guess they weren’t at work. Now, I did ask the boys, Little Man started running so I thought we might be on to something until I realized that he was running around saying, “Keys…where are you?” I did another (probably the fourth) search around the living room but came up empty (it may have been wise to check the piano since I know how to do that now!) so had to face defeat. I least it wasn’t me that was going to have to face the weary (and ill) travelers! I felt bad for my mom, I know she didn’t sleep a wink last night and hasn’t eaten a thing since she lost these keys, she was only in three places yesterday, all of which had been thoroughly searched (except my piano) so where could the keys be???

In her purse!

Yes, the keys were located this afternoon in her purse! Somehow they managed to get into the sealed drug bag that she keeps in there (along with some candies) and apparently the key fob looks a whole lot like the candies so when she looked last night she didn’t notice the keys. I guess that’s what happens when you’re tired.

(photo courtesy of Giotmarsel/