Mustache Mischief


My wife just reminded me of a funny story that happened about ten years ago. I was in my early forty’s and had always been clean shaven. Well for whatever reason, I thought it was time for a change. After a long extended weekend without shaving I decided that I would keep the facial hair growing. While my beard was very salt & pepper, my mustache grew in like a thick dense catapillar on my lip. It had to weigh over a pound within 3 weeks!

My wife was less than pleased with this new look but tried to remain positive without being encouraging.

After several months, I decided it was time for the mustache to go– but I had to have one last day of mustache fun. I decided It would look ridiculous if I shaved an inch or so off of one side of my mustache while leaving the other side bushy. And it did; it looked absolutely ridiculous.

So I waited for my wife to return home from work for a good laugh. She returned home and we talked about our days but she failed to mention a word about my mustache. I returned to the bathroom and trimmed my mustache again. This time I trimmed the other side, leaving a small, square, Hitler mustache. Again, I returned to continue the conversation with my wife. And again, she failed to notice anything. Finally I gave it one last try and I cut one side of my Hitler mustache off. I looked like a snaggle tooth! Again, my wife failed to notice.

It was finally time to pick up my daughter from high school. I volunteered. As I pulled up to my daughter, she was horrified! She could see my snaggle tooth mustache from three streets over. She was so embarrassed, she jumped in the car and asked what the heck I was doing. I gave her the blow by blow on the way home and she was in stitches.

My wife finally realized the stunt I had pulled when we came home and we all had a good laugh. Needless to say, after 27 years of marriage, I don’t ask her if anything is caught in my teeth.

**Mike Tomasik is a mild mannered reporter for a great metropolitan newspaper fighting a never ending battle for truth, justice and the American Flag. Ok not really, he’s just your typical loving father of 4 kids.