I’m Going to be Batman


At the ice cream place, my sons Ryan and Brandon were playing tag. Ryan being Ryan, he tripped over his own feet and landed face first on a group of bikes. When he turned around I thought his entire face was bleeding. It was gushing like a geyser out of his forehead but you couldn’t tell because it was everywhere- and he was spitting it out of his mouth, screaming. Brandon was having a full on panic attack- grabbing his chest, crying about his brother dying. I grabbed a stack of napkins and held them to Ryan’s forehead, and our good friend Erin drove us to the hospital.

We had to drug Ryan for a CAT scan because of course he can’t sit still at all even on a good day, and I swear he turned into my dad after he’s had a few beers. At one point he threw his arm into the air and said “I’M GOING TO BE BAAAAAAAAAAAAATMAN for HALLOWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEN!” And he begged the CAT scan guys to give him “another ride… that was the best ride ever!”

They pushed him from one room to the other on a hospital bed, to which he was yelling through the halls, “FASTER, FASTER! WHEEEEEEEEEEEE GO FASTER!” The nurses were clutching their stomachs and literally doubled-over with laughter.

The drugs also meant he didn’t realize too much when they were stitching him together. They gave him needles to numb it, which he said hurt but they had him wrapped up like a burrito in a sheet and they were great at talking to him to distract him. I sat nearby but out of sight (I can’t do stitches. I’m only good with gushing blood waterfall geysers… I mean, I would have stood next to him if he was panicking but he was totally calm and drugged).

The second they started working on him he says, “Apparently, this causes me to need to be excused. I have to pee.”

I hoped the doctor was able to continue stitching his forehead through her laughter.

They told Ryan he’d have to wait a few more minutes before he could use the bathroom. He said he sure hoped he could, but that he couldn’t make any promises. So then he told everyone “I have a magnet song” and the doctor asked him, “Really? How does that go?” And he starts singing at the top of his lungs: “I love money and money loves me and that’s the way it’s supposed to be!” I thought she was going to slip and stitch his eye or something she was laughing so hard.

Ryan went on to mention having a gazillion, billion, million collections… and they wanted to know what he collected, so suddenly he had a book collection, but his books didn’t have any color in them. They messed up in the book factory, and they were all just white pictures. So he used color sticks to fill them in and make the collection way better… and could he have McDonald’s on the way home? A cheeseburger, french fries and rootbeer would really make this day even better than it already was….

It was like a non-stop stand-up comedy tour.

When we were finally done and walking out, he stopped to tell every nurse and doctor and patient on the way how “wonderful” this place was, and he “hopes he can come back again real soon because it’s his second favorite place, after mommy’s house. It goes this place, mommy’s house, daddy’s house, then McDonald’s. Oh and Grammy Nanny’s. But this place is so good and has the best rides ever.”