Fun At The Dentist’s Office, or No Pain, No Pain

The Big Milkshake In The Dentist Chair

Dear Secret Diary, visiting the dentist was never something I found super fun.  A few things have helped a lot over the years though.

1) Years ago, circumstances required I change dentists, and although I was fond of my old one, I really like the new fellow and his team.

2) I have sensitive teeth and gums… as you know Secret Diary, this is code for “I’m a bit of a cry-baby.”  The new dental team is EXTREMELY generous with topical anesthesia, even for basic cleanings.  This makes me happy…and I like being happy.  (Although of course, who can anticipate the long-term side-effects of using the anesthesia for short-term relief.)

3) Finally, I erect a duct tape fortress around my mouth to protect my teeth from from the dentist’s invading forces of mechanical equipment.  Indeed, as a Dr. once explained to me, “No pain, no pain.”  Sure beats “No pain, no gain.”

I have done this twice now, and we’ve enjoyed a number of Milkshake Moments, although this past week when I did it, it took a moment for some of the folks working there to confirm that I was messin around.  I think it is equally likely that the one other patient in the waiting room was considering calling the proper authorities to come get the crazy guy.

This does lead to a few caveats:

1) To reduce the possible risk of causing confusion or concern for anybody; if I try this again, I think I’ll enter the office without the tape and put it on with explanation just as work is about to begin.

2) Having tape on one’s mouth at the dentist will probably prevent one from getting a proper  cleaning.

3) Unless one plans to keep the tape on forever, pulling off duct tape is uncomfortable, can possibly cause skin (and other damage), and is likely to thin out your beard and mustache.  And did I say it hurts when pulling the tape off?