Diary, Are You a True Friend?

beer

November 21, 2014– Dear Secret Diary, are you a true friend?

Diary: (Fingers crossed behind his back) Of course I am a true friend.  Why do you ask?

The Big Milkshake: Remember when I was watching the game on my couch and I felt like a beer.

Diary: (Looking bored) No.

The Big Milkshake: You know, a couple of years ago when…

Diary: No.

The Big Milkshake: The time when…

Diary: (Interrupting) I’m never going to be able to get these few minutes of my life back am I.  Oh sorry, please oh great The Big Milkshake, what awe inspiring point are you trying to pontificate on to me?

The Big Milkshake: I wanted a beer, and I blast e-mailed my friends asking somebody to come over and get me a beer from the fridge.  I told them they could help themselves to one, for FREE, and join me for the game.

Diary: Oh yeah, I remember that.  Nobody came.  Not even a return email.

The Big Milkshake: You know Diary, one of the definitions of a true friend is a friend who only remembers the good things.

Diary: Yeah, I know.

The Big Milkshake: DIARY!!!!

Diary: Look The Big Milkshake.  You never take me out.  You keep me secret.  Are you ashamed of me?

The Big Milkshake: (Awkward silence, followed by stammering, and then) Uh…?  Uh???

Diary: And you expect me to be supportive?

The Big Milkshake: Diary, what would it even mean to take you out?  You’re not even a physical diary.  No paper, no leather.  You’re a virtual Diary and a virtual Secret Diary at that!  But I do love you.

Diary: (Smiling) Aw

The Big Milkshake: OK, back to my question about whether you are a true friend.  If I were on my couch watching the game and in mood of a beer, and if I was too lazy to go to the fridge to fetch one for myself; if I emailed your Holy Diaryness, would you be a true friend and come over and grab me a cold one.

Diary: Hmm… I certainly would email you a picture of a beer.