Dad Wins Again


One hot 4th of July in Georgia, my dad decided to run in a 5K for which he did not train. Once upon a time, Daddy was quite an athlete. Those days were long since gone!

Imagine, a middle aged man with a considerable “gut” deciding to take on the foothills of the Appalachian mountains in 100 degree weather.

My dad never wore shorts. He was quite fond of those horrible polyester “coaches” pants which he usually wore with an equally horrible polyester “golf” shirt. In this attire he set forth in his Reebok tennis shoes to conquer 5 hilly kilometers.

After the vast majority of runners had either taken refuge at a water station or completed the course, my mother, sisters, brother, and I awaited my dad’s arrival at the finish line. The oldest daughter became so concerned she set out in her car to find him along the race route.

Much to our dismay, shortly after she left our father arrived safely… but not fully clothed. It seems that at the first water station, he took out his pocket knife and cut off his navy polyester pants, exposing his very white legs and tube socks. It was a jagged, Flintstones-era hem he had produced. Less than a mile later, he proceeded then to remove his shirt… and he tied it around his head! When we saw him approaching the finish, all of his white flesh was completely exposed. His face was red and his “turban” a pale blue. The funniest part is that he won his age division averaging at 13 minutes a mile!

(photo courtesy of Krutenyuk/