Where Can I get Muscles Like That?


June 7, 2014– Dear Secret Diary, the other day I looked in the mirror and asked, “Mirror, Mirror, on the wall, whose got the fairest muscles of them all?”

Actually, I didn’t ask my mirror, but if I had, the answer would have been, “You, The Big Milkshake, you have the fairest muscles of them all.  Congratulations!”

And as you see in the photo, I do have the fairest muscles of them all.  But Diary, I want the strongest muscles of them all, or at least stronger ones, not the fairest ones.

Diary, I whine often about my lack of muscles (including here).  But while whining, I can report that I am also proactive about increasing my muscle mass.

And no, I haven’t been lifting weights or eating more spinach.  I’ve already made clear in one Microwave-Side Chat how best to train, and lifting weights isn’t part of the program.

What I like to do, and I recommend you try it Diary, is go up to somebody with impressive muscles and ask, “Excuse me, can I get muscles like you have down at Walmart?”  While this has often led to some shared Milkshake Moments, sadly nobody has endorsed Walmart as the place to go for muscles.  I guess that would just be too easy.

The other day, I was in a drugstore, and two in-shape guys were at check-out in front of me.  When they were done, I asked them, “Excuse me fellows, in which aisle of this store can I get muscles like you have.”

One of the two just kind of stared at me– yes that happens sometimes– and the other looked at me, smiled, and offered, “We have a construction site a few blocks from here.  Common over, and we’ll put you to work.”

Yeah, I want bigger muscles, but not that much.