A Very Flexible Waitress

Attack Waitress

February 28, 2015– Dear Secret Diary, some time ago, I was in a coffee shop that featured the accompanying “Attack Waitress” sign.    

I was curious as to the meaning of  “Attack Waitress.”

Did it mean she would attack my plate and try to eat my own food out from under me?

Did it mean that, if it looked like I was not relishing the food she had put in front of me, she’d put me in a headlock until I cleaned my plate?

Maybe it meant that, if I tried to change my order once she had put it into the kitchen, she’d glare at me until I folded?

I asked her, “You’re not an attack waitress are you?”

She responded, “I can be in a heart beat.”

Despite her big smile, I didn’t doubt her for a second so discretion being the better part of valor I made no further inquiries.

I do point out that the waitress was also really nice, funny, and cool.