A Night with an Edsel

doctor

I loved the Internet, but I hated the snail-like slowness of it. No matter how much I upgraded, it was not fast enough to suit me. When Broadband came to my neighborhood, I was among the first to order it.

They wanted to charge $150 for installing the antenna on my roof. After they explained how to fasten the antenna to a roof pipe and run a wire down to my computer, I told them I would do it myself. I did it the next day, and when the job was completed, it didn’t work. Frustrated, I bundled everything up and returned it. One of the wires had been faulty. The next day I repeated the process, and again no success. I phoned a friend in the neighborhood and told him my woes. He said he would come over and check my computer connection

After he checked it the next evening, he said everything I had done was fine. I told him that perhaps the setting on the box on the roof was off, and I was going on the roof with a flashlight. He tried to deter me with no success. I placed the extension ladder against the gutter and began climbing. On the way up I felt the ladder slipping away from me. I knew I was headed for a hard fall and I tried to grab the gutter but narrowly missed. Flying through the air I thought; ”OH BOY THIS IS GOING TO HURT!” I literally bounced off the cement patio. I had put up my arm to protect my face and my elbow had taken the brunt of the fall. I staggered into the house, battered and bloody. My wife, Gloria, was appalled when she saw my condition, but she is cool under pressure and drove me to the hospital.

You have to take a number in the emergency room. Severity of pain doesn’t count. They wouldn’t give me any pain killer until they examined me, and they wouldn’t examine me until the two women before me got checked out. The only person I had precedence over was a guy with an ingrown toenail.

I paced up and back furiously, hoping that the nurse would see the pain I was in and give me an aspirin, but she said I had to wait for the doctor to examine me before she could give me any medication.

Finally, a doctor of Asian descent approached. He said his name was Dr. Ford. I smiled because I had never heard of a person of his heritage with a name like that.

He said for some strange reason, patients had a hard time remembering his name. After examining me, he conferred with two other interns. He said that they thought I had shattered my elbow, but they weren’t sure. The main doctor had left already, but they faxed an X-ray to his home. When he responded back he told them it wasn’t fractured, it was dislocated. What a relief!

First they gave me a sedative, and then four burly interns had a tug of war with my elbow, pulling me in opposite directions until it popped back in place, and the excruciating pain vanished. It was a miracle! In the process I had a running commentary with all four of them. Not only were they laughing, but all the people in the waiting room were laughing including the nurses. I gave a performance, and I can’t remember a word I said.

Dr. Ford approached me. He wanted to shake my hand. He said I was the most extraordinary patient he had ever encountered. I’m not sure it was because of my fast recuperative powers or my brand of humor but I accepted his compliment graciously.

”Doc, you said I wouldn’t remember your name.”

That’s right, nobody remembers my name, he responded with a laugh.

”Thank you for relieving my pain Dr. Edsel.”

The next day I was back on the roof removing that dreadful system. It turned out they had given me another bad wire. I switched to cable and haven’t fallen off a roof since.

(photo courtesy of Andres Rodriguez/Dreamstime.com)

About Jerry Goldberg

Jerry Goldberg grew up on the west side of Chicago. After high school, he was drafted in the Army during the Korean conflict. Upon his honorable discharge, he joined Local 130 in Chicago as a plumber, working from 1952 to 2000. Jerry has been happily married for 60 years, residing with his wife, Gloria, in Huntley, Illinois. They were blessed with two wonderful children, and have three grandchildren and three great-grandchildren.
When his son encouraged him to get online, Jerry replied, "What do I need that for?" But all that changed a year into his retirement, when his daughter gave him a modem for his birthday, opening a whole new chapter. Finding stained glass insufficiently fulfilling, Jerry discovered the AARP message boards and began his one-finger magic. Eventually, he became quite proficient (two fingers), starting a board called, "Jerry's Corner."

This board was the second most popular board on AOL. Jerry bantered with any and all, and began writing humorous true stories of his past life. The stories you see here are a compilation of most he has written ... enjoy!

About Jerry Goldberg

Jerry Goldberg grew up on the west side of Chicago. After high school, he was drafted in the Army during the Korean conflict. Upon his honorable discharge, he joined Local 130 in Chicago as a plumber, working from 1952 to 2000. Jerry has been happily married for 60 years, residing with his wife, Gloria, in Huntley, Illinois. They were blessed with two wonderful children, and have three grandchildren and three great-grandchildren.
When his son encouraged him to get online, Jerry replied, "What do I need that for?" But all that changed a year into his retirement, when his daughter gave him a modem for his birthday, opening a whole new chapter. Finding stained glass insufficiently fulfilling, Jerry discovered the AARP message boards and began his one-finger magic. Eventually, he became quite proficient (two fingers), starting a board called, "Jerry's Corner."

This board was the second most popular board on AOL. Jerry bantered with any and all, and began writing humorous true stories of his past life. The stories you see here are a compilation of most he has written ... enjoy!

Smiles For All