The Quest

quest

I just got tired of replacing the mulch in my garden every few years and I decided to replace the mulch with colorful stones. In my mind, a large black rock would sit on the curve of my driveway to dazzle the eye. It could also serve a utilitarian purpose in case someone got tired on the way to my front door, they could sit down on the rock and take a breather.

In my quest to find the perfect rock I stumbled on an ideal specimen last week and I went back the following day with Gloria to get another gander. Glor flipped when she saw it and thought it was perfect; not too large and not too small and it was striking. It’s called, “Obsidian” and there is a mountain in Hawaii that’s missing a large chunk. I hope they don’t go looking for it.

We had Eric, the young boy who handles most of the outside garden stuff weigh it on the scale. At 29 cents a pound it came to 231 pounds and between the two of us we lifted it and put it on the scale. I told Eric to keep his toe off the scale. The only thing that bothered me was that the rock had a scoring mark down the center as if someone had intended to crack it in half and then changed their mind.

I told the gal at the desk that I had three discounts. Senior citizen (She wanted to see my driver’s license), veteran’s discount and last but not least, defective merchandise discount. She said she didn’t honor veteran’s discounts and a little scratch on a boulder doesn’t make it defective. I told her I was filing a discrimination lawsuit against her for all veterans and if it cracked in half when they loaded it I wasn’t paying extra for the extra boulder. I didn’t get one laugh out of her but she did give me a wide, forced grin.

When I told Gloria I was going to put shoe polish on the visible seam and shine it up she said I was out of my mind, nobody would even see it. Maybe she’s right, it will probably grow on me. Will I be able to sleep at night knowing that two strong men could pilfer my rock in the middle of the night? Who knows? Time will tell.

About Jerry Goldberg

Jerry Goldberg grew up on the west side of Chicago. After high school, he was drafted in the Army during the Korean conflict. Upon his honorable discharge, he joined Local 130 in Chicago as a plumber, working from 1952 to 2000. Jerry has been happily married for 60 years, residing with his wife, Gloria, in Huntley, Illinois. They were blessed with two wonderful children, and have three grandchildren and three great-grandchildren.
When his son encouraged him to get online, Jerry replied, "What do I need that for?" But all that changed a year into his retirement, when his daughter gave him a modem for his birthday, opening a whole new chapter. Finding stained glass insufficiently fulfilling, Jerry discovered the AARP message boards and began his one-finger magic. Eventually, he became quite proficient (two fingers), starting a board called, "Jerry's Corner."

This board was the second most popular board on AOL. Jerry bantered with any and all, and began writing humorous true stories of his past life. The stories you see here are a compilation of most he has written ... enjoy!

About Jerry Goldberg

Jerry Goldberg grew up on the west side of Chicago. After high school, he was drafted in the Army during the Korean conflict. Upon his honorable discharge, he joined Local 130 in Chicago as a plumber, working from 1952 to 2000. Jerry has been happily married for 60 years, residing with his wife, Gloria, in Huntley, Illinois. They were blessed with two wonderful children, and have three grandchildren and three great-grandchildren.
When his son encouraged him to get online, Jerry replied, "What do I need that for?" But all that changed a year into his retirement, when his daughter gave him a modem for his birthday, opening a whole new chapter. Finding stained glass insufficiently fulfilling, Jerry discovered the AARP message boards and began his one-finger magic. Eventually, he became quite proficient (two fingers), starting a board called, "Jerry's Corner."

This board was the second most popular board on AOL. Jerry bantered with any and all, and began writing humorous true stories of his past life. The stories you see here are a compilation of most he has written ... enjoy!

Smiles For All