The Holiday Spirit

labor

Our first baby was due to be born the middle of September. By a coincidence my wife had invited her younger brother over for dinner on Labor Day. She really wasn’t due for another two weeks.

As soon as he walked in the door, my wife went into labor. This so unnerved me, my wife decided I was too shook up to drive and my brother-in law (B.I.L.) volunteered to drive us to the hospital. I had lost all semblance of cool.

Upon arriving at the administration desk at the hospital, the clerk phoned the OB department and stated that they had a lady in labor. They didn’t believe her as they had no births that day and since it was Labor Day, they thought the clerk was pulling their legs. Finally, the OB dept realized it was for real, and they checked her in.

My B.I.L. stated that he was going to take in a movie and would return shortly thereafter. He figured it was going to take hours, and he didn’t feel like sitting around for that period of time.

In the meantime, I was escorted into the waiting room, and I picked up a People’s magazine. There was only one expectant father in the room besides me, and he was furiously pacing up and back. He looked bedraggled, his eyes rimmed in black. He told me he had been there nineteen straight hours, waiting for his wife to give birth. I had regained my cool, and I told him that I hoped my wife would allow me to finish my magazine before she gave birth.

Half-way through my magazine a nurse walks in and announces, “Sir, your wife has just given birth to a 7lb-4oz. healthy baby boy.” The guy pacing stopped dead in his tracks and looked at me in slack-jawed amazement. I just gave him a nonchalant shrug of my shoulders and walked towards the viewing corridor as if this happened to me every day.

There were a few men standing there viewing their recently born babies and the nurse pointed out my son. I had to clean my glasses because he seemed to be covered with hair. Had she given birth to a monkey? If so, what would I name it? Everyone was oohing and aahing at their babies but I remained mute and looked in the other direction in a nonchalant manner, pretending I was just a curious visitor.

My trepidation had been groundless because my son grew up to be a handsome devil and won a baby contest at the age of one (See picture in “A Winning Smile!“). My M.I.L used to say,”Ugly at the stable, pretty at the table.”

As for my B.I.L., when he returned from the theater, he was shocked to find our son born so quickly. He had gone to the movie but had missed the main attraction, if he had stayed with us.

The irony of the whole thing is that my son was born on Labor Day and ended up getting married on Independence day. When HIS wife ultimately went into labor, he lost all his independence.

 

(illustration courtesy of Digitalart/Freedigitalphotos.net)

Jerry Goldberg About Jerry Goldberg

Jerry Goldberg grew up on the west side of Chicago. After high school, he was drafted in the Army during the Korean conflict. Upon his honorable discharge, he joined Local 130 in Chicago as a plumber, working from 1952 to 2000. Jerry has been happily married for 60 years, residing with his wife, Gloria, in Huntley, Illinois. They were blessed with two wonderful children, and have three grandchildren and three great-grandchildren.
When his son encouraged him to get online, Jerry replied, “What do I need that for?” But all that changed a year into his retirement, when his daughter gave him a modem for his birthday, opening a whole new chapter. Finding stained glass insufficiently fulfilling, Jerry discovered the AARP message boards and began his one-finger magic. Eventually, he became quite proficient (two fingers), starting a board called, “Jerry’s Corner.”

This board was the second most popular board on AOL. Jerry bantered with any and all, and began writing humorous true stories of his past life. The stories you see here are a compilation of most he has written … enjoy!

Jerry Goldberg About Jerry Goldberg

Jerry Goldberg grew up on the west side of Chicago. After high school, he was drafted in the Army during the Korean conflict. Upon his honorable discharge, he joined Local 130 in Chicago as a plumber, working from 1952 to 2000. Jerry has been happily married for 60 years, residing with his wife, Gloria, in Huntley, Illinois. They were blessed with two wonderful children, and have three grandchildren and three great-grandchildren.
When his son encouraged him to get online, Jerry replied, “What do I need that for?” But all that changed a year into his retirement, when his daughter gave him a modem for his birthday, opening a whole new chapter. Finding stained glass insufficiently fulfilling, Jerry discovered the AARP message boards and began his one-finger magic. Eventually, he became quite proficient (two fingers), starting a board called, “Jerry’s Corner.”

This board was the second most popular board on AOL. Jerry bantered with any and all, and began writing humorous true stories of his past life. The stories you see here are a compilation of most he has written … enjoy!

Smiles For All