Up Your Nose With Copenhagen

tobacco

When I was a teenager I worked for the Copenhagen Snuff and Chewing Tobacco company. The job didn’t last very long and I’m going to tell you the reason why:

First, they put me on a rotating belt that turned like a water wheel. The idea was to place ten snuff cans in a row while the wheel turned continuously at a speedy pace. This machine never stopped unless you accidentally placed less than ten cans in the row. When that happened it jammed and you had a fifteen minute respite until a mechanic repaired it. I guarantee you that machine was jammed most of the day.

On my second day, a woman was A.W.O.L on the assembly line. She sat on a high stool and all she had to do was turn cans that were upside down so that all the labels faced up. I couldn’t believe how lucky I was to fill in for that woman.

In my first ten minutes my head began whirling and I got so nauseous I had to barf my guts in the washroom. I found out that sitting and staring at a moving belt causes motion sickness. It was as if I was in a rowboat on the high seas in a violent storm. All the women had a good laugh at my expense. They said that this job was the hardest in the plant. Frankly, I don’t think they had any easy jobs in that plant. The guy who invented robots must have worked here.

If anyone ever doubts that I actually worked for Copenhagen, it wouldn’t be hard to prove. Of course, the records are long gone after some 67 years, but this is the era of advanced forensics. I’m sure a team wouldn’t have any problem finding my DNA in Copenhagen’s bathroom.

(photo courtesy of Graur Codrin/Freedigitalphotos.net)

Jerry Goldberg About Jerry Goldberg

Jerry Goldberg grew up on the west side of Chicago. After high school, he was drafted in the Army during the Korean conflict. Upon his honorable discharge, he joined Local 130 in Chicago as a plumber, working from 1952 to 2000. Jerry has been happily married for 60 years, residing with his wife, Gloria, in Huntley, Illinois. They were blessed with two wonderful children, and have three grandchildren and three great-grandchildren.
When his son encouraged him to get online, Jerry replied, "What do I need that for?" But all that changed a year into his retirement, when his daughter gave him a modem for his birthday, opening a whole new chapter. Finding stained glass insufficiently fulfilling, Jerry discovered the AARP message boards and began his one-finger magic. Eventually, he became quite proficient (two fingers), starting a board called, "Jerry's Corner."

This board was the second most popular board on AOL. Jerry bantered with any and all, and began writing humorous true stories of his past life. The stories you see here are a compilation of most he has written ... enjoy!

Jerry Goldberg About Jerry Goldberg

Jerry Goldberg grew up on the west side of Chicago. After high school, he was drafted in the Army during the Korean conflict. Upon his honorable discharge, he joined Local 130 in Chicago as a plumber, working from 1952 to 2000. Jerry has been happily married for 60 years, residing with his wife, Gloria, in Huntley, Illinois. They were blessed with two wonderful children, and have three grandchildren and three great-grandchildren.
When his son encouraged him to get online, Jerry replied, "What do I need that for?" But all that changed a year into his retirement, when his daughter gave him a modem for his birthday, opening a whole new chapter. Finding stained glass insufficiently fulfilling, Jerry discovered the AARP message boards and began his one-finger magic. Eventually, he became quite proficient (two fingers), starting a board called, "Jerry's Corner."

This board was the second most popular board on AOL. Jerry bantered with any and all, and began writing humorous true stories of his past life. The stories you see here are a compilation of most he has written ... enjoy!

  • Ce Ce Watson

    Looking forward to more of your stories! You have a way with words. 🙂

    • TheBigMilkshake

      Ce Ce, we agree

    • Jerry Goldberg

      Thank you CeCe, I intend to write many more….

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