The Law Of Odds

lucky

My wife decided it was time to take a trip. She told me she heard that Tauk Tours was a great travel company so she signed us up for a bus tour to Cape Cod for one week.

We met our fellow travelers at an introductory dinner. One couple I liked were from England. The husband had a hearty laugh and every time I opened my mouth he convulsed with laughter. Even if I yawned he laughed. He picked up on my subtle humor and followed me around like a shadow. I told him one joke and I thought he was going to have a stroke he laughed so heartily.

It was interesting but not my cup of tea. I’m a doer not a looker and sightseeing bores me to tears. My wife loved it and my job was to grit my teeth and keep her happy.

On the very first day before we got to Cape Cod we walked along a paved asphalt path that ran adjacent to the beach. I saw two guys perusing the sand along the incoming waves with metal detectors. I walked in their direction to find out if they were finding any pirate booty. My wife was wearing high wedges and she became irritated with me because she had sand in her shoes. She stopped to clean the sand off. Standing on the pavement on one foot she raised the other foot to clean the sand debris off. I turned and saw her going backwards as she lost her balance. When she hit her coccyx bone on the asphalt she didn’t move. She was in shock.

There were no hospitals or doctor’s there. They told me I would have to take her forty miles to Fallsmouth where the nearest medical facility was located. I quickly hired a cab and the driver helped me load my wife so that she was moderately comfortable.

When we entered the small clinic in Fallsmouth we met the sole doctor who had a number of nurses assisting him. He examined my wife and said it would be fruitless for her to take an X-ray because it was evident she had either bruised or chipped her coccyx bone. All she could do was bite the bullet until it healed because there was no quick cure and a cast was not invented yet for that sort of injury.

I was ready to go home but my wife, Gloria, insisted she’d be fine. I asked her how we were going to go on the jeep ride we had scheduled. She told me to get her a whoopee cushion and she would tough it out. Pound for pound she is one of the feistiest women I have ever known. She didn’t want to be a party pooper.

We got on the bus to go to our next destination. The pain had abated somewhat and she was riding that cushion. My lungs were hurting from continually blowing it up… I think we had a slow leak. The tour guide stood up in front of the bus and said we were stopping for lunch at a nice bistro and she was going to pass out keys to every passenger. When we got to the eatery we could try to open a treasure box with the key. One key would open the box. It was the lucky person who would have the right key.

I looked at Gloria, held the key in the palm of my hand and told her that this was THE key. She asked me when was the last time I had gotten lucky. I told her she wasn’t aware of the law of odds. I pointed out that when things get really bad and you think it can’t get any worse, they suddenly turn around. She just shook her head and told me I was out of my mind.

I stepped up to the treasure box in complete confidence, inserted the key and turned…the box opened and fifty other passengers gaped in envy as I raised the lid. It didn’t matter that there was only a scrolled up painting inside. The point was I had proved my theory. The law of odds had won out over adversity.

I was brimming with excitement over my new found reversal of fortune. I went up to the driver in front and asked him if they had a lottery in the state of Massachusetts.
”Oh yes, we have an instant lottery,” he said.
”Could I get my money right away if I won?
”I’m sure it could be worked out,” he said with a smirk.
It was ten to nine and the store didn’t open until 9:00. I asked the driver if he could warm up his bus for ten more minutes. I told him how dangerous it was to drive on a cold engine and he acquiesced.

I stood by the door hoping the proprietor would open the door on time. Right on the button she opened the door. I wanted to give her a hug but I could see her husband watching me out of the corner of his eye.

”Give me a ticket to the highest lottery payoff you have.” She asked me how many tickets I wanted and I told her that one was all I needed. It was a lucky 7 card. If my scratch-offs were all 7’s I could drive home in a gold Mercedes. I scratched off six 7’s and my heart started pumping double time. I closed my eyes and scratched off the last number. I peeked through my partly spread fingers to get a glimpse. I was confident but not too confident. The number was 5 and I threw the card down in disgust. I told Gloria it was time to go home, our law of odds had swung in the opposite direction… you make no progress walking up the down escalator.

(photo courtesy of James Barker/ freedigitalphotos.net)

Jerry Goldberg About Jerry Goldberg

Jerry Goldberg grew up on the west side of Chicago. After high school, he was drafted in the Army during the Korean conflict. Upon his honorable discharge, he joined Local 130 in Chicago as a plumber, working from 1952 to 2000. Jerry has been happily married for 60 years, residing with his wife, Gloria, in Huntley, Illinois. They were blessed with two wonderful children, and have three grandchildren and three great-grandchildren.
When his son encouraged him to get online, Jerry replied, “What do I need that for?” But all that changed a year into his retirement, when his daughter gave him a modem for his birthday, opening a whole new chapter. Finding stained glass insufficiently fulfilling, Jerry discovered the AARP message boards and began his one-finger magic. Eventually, he became quite proficient (two fingers), starting a board called, “Jerry’s Corner.”

This board was the second most popular board on AOL. Jerry bantered with any and all, and began writing humorous true stories of his past life. The stories you see here are a compilation of most he has written … enjoy!

Jerry Goldberg About Jerry Goldberg

Jerry Goldberg grew up on the west side of Chicago. After high school, he was drafted in the Army during the Korean conflict. Upon his honorable discharge, he joined Local 130 in Chicago as a plumber, working from 1952 to 2000. Jerry has been happily married for 60 years, residing with his wife, Gloria, in Huntley, Illinois. They were blessed with two wonderful children, and have three grandchildren and three great-grandchildren.
When his son encouraged him to get online, Jerry replied, “What do I need that for?” But all that changed a year into his retirement, when his daughter gave him a modem for his birthday, opening a whole new chapter. Finding stained glass insufficiently fulfilling, Jerry discovered the AARP message boards and began his one-finger magic. Eventually, he became quite proficient (two fingers), starting a board called, “Jerry’s Corner.”

This board was the second most popular board on AOL. Jerry bantered with any and all, and began writing humorous true stories of his past life. The stories you see here are a compilation of most he has written … enjoy!

Smiles For All